The badger had a jolly nice time on both Saturday and Sunday last weekend. He went quite fast and on numerous occasions turned the board round nicely, and was courteous to other water users and swans.
He is currently unable to report personally, on the smashing time he had being coy and modest and avoiding the camera, despite looking cute and stripey, as he is prowling the countryside, looking for the wombles that have taken John Oliver's motivation. The Brogborough wombles are also thought to be responsible for the theft of John Andel's nationality and it has been reported that John has been seen again, wearing a kilt, carrying a chainsaw, and conversing with animals in an eastern european dialect.
The Badger, press office. 8)